Maria Goretti Network

The Maria Goretti Network family reaches out to abuse victims, their families, and to those who support our recovery, with God's love as witnessed in the life of Maria Goretti.

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Deborah Rodriguez, who was abused by priests as a child and left the church for a time, says the choice to be Catholic is a daily decision, “sometimes an hourly one,” she said. “The Mass is the source of healing but it comes with reminders of previous evil.”

Yet Christ and his church “are bigger than the abuse and the evil that occurred to me,” said Rodriguez, now residing in the Seattle Archdiocese. 

A physician, 52-year-old Rodriguez meets people of all ages trying to heal from abuse. “I’ve seen that we need to not just avoid the pain or just encounter what happened but to get beyond it,” she said. 

A gap in priestly formation? 

For nearly all survivors of abuse who wish to return, even if tentatively, to the Catholic Church, the initial encounter with a priest or representative of the church is a potential-packed moment. Survivors feel that many priests are not prepared for that encounter. 

“The first words are so important, but many priests don’t know how to receive a survivor,” said Rodriguez. Some fear lawsuits, others believe the abuse crisis is now in the past, and we as a church “should get over it,” Rodriguez said.

But far more frequently, “I meet good priests who want to know what to do, how to help,” said Rodriguez, who educates priests on ministering to victims of clergy abuse and conducts outreach to survivors of abuse, trauma and violence through the Maria Goretti Network. 

A missing piece in formation might be the regular testimony of victims, who can provide would-be priests with concrete suggestions and personal accounts that no classroom discussion can capture.

Teresa Pitt Green, publisher of Healing Voices magazine, observed that when priests are properly trained, healing ripples out into the church. “When a priest really gets it, … the wound against priests in the scandal begins to heal.” 

Listen and affirm 

“Maya Angelo wrote, ‘There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you,’” said Seeley. Victims of abuse first need their story to be heard, she said, as hers was by Father Gutmann of Holy Trinity.

Green said the No. 1 thing a priest should do for a victim contemplating a return to the church is listen. “There is nothing you are going to say in that moment that will make it better,” she said. “So, center yourself in prayer and listen.”

“Don’t debate them but accept where they are,” added Father Peter O’Brien, a Grief to Grace retreat leader and pastor of St. Edward Parish in Lebanon. 

Next, said Green, priests should tell victims they are sorry they have been hurt and that it wasn’t the victims' fault. Eventually, you can say sorry on behalf of the church. 

“It’s amazing they are standing there and that they survived,” Green said. “Affirm them. This may be one of the bravest things they’ve done.” After that first encounter with a priest, a victim may disappear for several weeks, six months, even a year. At different points in healing you vacillate between “feeling brave and being scared,” said Green. 

They can teach us

The entire body of Christ, not solely priests, can help victims feel more welcome in the church, but survivors say there’s often a lack of outreach. 

“Many Catholics want to believe the sums have been paid out and we can move on,” said Orsi. “Survivors are an uncomfortable reminder of something that went very wrong.” 

Seeley said fellow parishioners have asked, “Why do you have to bring up that abuse topic?” 

Efforts to welcome fallen-away Catholics back to the church, such as Lenten campaigns that stress forgiveness toward the individual, may not resonate with victims of clergy abuse, said Orsi. Instead, survivors may need the church to extend a welcome while asking for forgiveness on behalf of the abusers. 

Orsi encourages all Catholics to be open and attentive to survivors in their midst and to listen to their stories.

Not only can we help survivors feel loved, but they also have things to teach us, he said. “I’ve really appreciated the intensity of their faith and their ongoing, questioning conversations with God,” said Orsi. “The great spiritual teachers of the church, St. John of the Cross, Teresa of Avila, had a spirituality that involved periods of light and darkness. It can be powerful to similarly watch survivors struggle with spiritual dryness and richness.” 

Healing help 

There is a small but growing number of ministries that seek to integrate therapy with faith for survivors of abuse, although most are not focused specifically on victims of clergy sexual abuse but on abuse generally. 

Green has helped fulfill the need for integrated offerings through The Healing Voices Magazine, with a mission to reconcile faith “with the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual harm” inflicted by clergy. She recently launched Spirit Fire as an online hub to connect priests, parishes, dioceses, families and survivors with available resources.

Other programs include the Maria Goretti Network, which Green calls a kind of 12-step program for survivors. 

In Oregon, Grief to Grace retreats (independently organized and managed but based on Grief to Grace Ministries founded by Catholic psychologist Theresa Burke) can bring “a lot of resolution and healing,” said Father O’Brien. Drawing from Scripture, participants “find their healing by uniting their pain with the passion of Jesus.” 

Reconciliation and anointing of the sick services offered in some dioceses also can “sacramentally help survivors readjust their spirit,” said Green.

Though there is still a lack of resources, the variety of different approaches is a good thing, said Rodriguez. “Because no one type fits the needs of all survivors.”

‘A holy transfusion’

The men and women who come back to the faith — who re-enter the sacred space that for years was contaminated by memories of pain and perversion — say they experience a newfound joy and understanding of God.

Along with Green and Rodriguez, Seeley urges the church and its priests, who offer something precious and irreplaceable, to improve their outreach to victims.

As a doctor, Rodriguez deftly employs Pope Francis’ often-quoted image of a field hospital. She said she’s happy, through her work with victims, to “be out on the battlefield triaging.” But she wants to be able to send the broken back to “the main hospital, the church.”

The first step, she said, is to identify the wounded and to understand the whole church has a role to play. “Don’t be afraid of us,” said Rodriguez. She tells priests she’ll reach out to survivors, but they “need to recognize the hurting, to welcome them in and give them a holy transfusion — the sacraments.” 

katies@catholicsentinel.org